Half-satori

Satori is Japanese for enlightenment. A sudden, intense and radical awakening to reality. There was a time I thought I was almost there. As of late, it is becoming painfully obvious that enlightenment has nothing to do with the kind of furious and uncompromising endeavors that are often associated with a spiritual quest.

Wisdom, the heart of enlightenment, is unfortunately not an asset that can be mechanically produced. It does not automatically follow from any amount of anything you do or abstain from doing. Rather, it springs forth in the brief, silent and still moments when the pullings of the ego cease and existence is observed as-is.

The foundational thusness, the heart nature of all phenomena, is not attained by adopting a certain garb. And I mean a garb in the broadest sense, in adopting certain spiritual-cum-cultural patterns that are associated with traditions of wise or enlightened teachers. I thought it was. Garbs can be just as helpful as they can be harmful.

My path across 12 long years of Hinduism, followed by a burst of effort to employ the same conditioned mental striving-model in the context of Theravada Buddhism, combined with experiences of spiritual practitioners from diverse traditions, has led me to a safe distance from formal religiosity.

I do not mind formal religion. It's essentially a good thing, it serves a purpose. I will joyfully participate in any number of religious observances among adherents of diverse traditions and feel spiritually nourished, tapping into the underlying meta-reality. However, wholly adopting traditions that may not in their entirety match my psychological make-up and the obligations that follow is not something I wish to involve myself with.

And why is that? It is precisely because of a certain sense of fundamental weariness of playing games. Ego-games. From materialism to spiritualism, from a worldling to a spiritual hero, a conqueror of evils, a benefactor of all sentient beings. Or, on a more modest level, a pious adherent who finds solace in his religious observances.

Becoming a high grade spiritualist is wonderful, but you don't really become one by trying to become one. On this path, there is no reaching through walking. To the contrary, there is reaching by stopping. When there is only walking and no walker, motion flows in fullness. When there is only understanding and no understander, wisdom shines in its own right.

I have had blogs in the past. The first one was all about my adventures in the world of Hinduism (Vaishnava / Krishna). The second one, that never really got far beyond the beginning, had a Buddhist focus. They still exist, along with the mind of which they sprang forth, in a state of almost archival quiescence.

Half-satori is not about any of that. It's not about any of you either. It's not about any of me for that matter, the fluid little I that seems to be in a decent state of flux. It's about a free flow of exploration and experience. It's a voice crying in the wilderness, but it cries for none. It resonates in its own essence.

I don't know about the audience of this blog. I don't know that I care either. And I think that's a positive thing, for I am weary of pampering people and socio-religious holy cows. In this blog, I pretty much write about what the hell ever I want, and quite possibly I don't even have a good reason for doing any of that.

This is my personal limbo zone, the half-satori cocoon I find my peace in. It's cozy here, and you're welcome to stick around if you find something of interest.